How to Get Rid of a Ugly Blind Date
* Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve.
* Read a book during the meal.
* Twitch.
* Ask for crayons to color the placemat.
* Howl and whistle at other women
.
* Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs.
* Ask the people at others table for food from their plates.
* Beg your date to tattoo your name on themselves.
* Ask your date how much money they have with them.
* Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.
* Break wind loudly. Add color commentary.
* Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.
A rather well proportioned young lady, Stacy, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.
She wore a bikini the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she slipped out of it for an overall tan, going nude.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her side, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.
"The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Stacy asked rather calmly.
"No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
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Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF inked on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: What did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They are both screwed when they're on their back.
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An in body experience!
Q: What do a blonde and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the wedding aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodle-doooo, while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: Why did the dumb blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.