HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports mag.
Mistress on the cover of mens mag and ..
Wife on the cover of "missing persons"

GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: A Doctor!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: because its the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her man to pay for it.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: Why aren't blondes good at cattle herding?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: How does a blonde turn the lights on after having sex?
A: She opens the car door.

How to Get Rid of a Ugly Blind Date

* Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve.
* Read a book during the meal.
* Twitch.
* Ask for crayons to color the placemat.
* Howl and whistle at other women
. * Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs.
* Ask the people at others table for food from their plates.
* Beg your date to tattoo your name on themselves.
* Ask your date how much money they have with them.
* Lick your plate, then offer to lick theirs.

Why did the chicken cross the road.
To get to the other side. * Break wind loudly. Add color commentary.
* Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did the hot blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.



Q: What does a blonde bimbo and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.



Q: What does a screen door and a blonde girl have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why did the bleach blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the wedding aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: How can you tell when a blonde babe is horny?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.



Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work? A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to prepare food stamps for dinner!

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.

DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY

Boy 1: Why do you run from naked women?
Boy 2: Because my Mom said that if I look at a naked amateur lady, I'll turn into stone. And a part of me was getting hard already! Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

A rather well proportioned young lady, Stacy, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bikini the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she slipped out of it for an overall tan, going nude. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her side, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make," Stacy asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

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The Telephone call:

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The blonde , picked up the phone, listened and said, "How do I know, that's 400 miles from here!" and hung up. Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his blonde wife replies, "I don't any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast was clear."



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Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF inked on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What did the blonde's left leg say to the right leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why is a blonde woman like a turtle?
A: They are both screwed when they're on their back.

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An in body experience! Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodle-doooo, while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: Why did the dumb blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

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